February 18, 2008
Lyon College News Bureau

M. Elaine Mar isn’t afraid to tell the truth.

Though personal and painful, it is exactly what she did in her 1999 memoir “Paper Daughter” and her essay “Bi Bi Hua,” which earned a Pushcart Prize in 2003. But it was that truth that cost her a family.

Mar is spending six weeks at Lyon College as part of the college’s Visiting Fellowship in Creative Nonfiction winner and sharing her story with students, faculty, staff and the Batesville community.

Mar will have a public reading at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 19, in Bevens Music Room on the Lyon College campus. The event is free.

Mar lived in Hong Kong as a child before her family moved to Colorado. She attended college at Harvard and found herself in a whole new world.

“There was more difficulty there than I imagined,” she said. “It wasn’t academics. I don’t want to say that it wasn’t hard academically; it was. But it was difficult to see how different I was.”

The now Lesley University professor said coming from a family that collectively made $16,000 per year to sitting in class with students who would spend more than that amount on a weekend trip to Rome, made her uncomfortable.

“I began to hide who I was,” she said.

So Mar did what any good writer would do. She listened to her inner voice and put her thoughts on paper. It was those experiences that became her first book, a memoir that traced her path from a poor immigrant to a Harvard graduate. Mar said her non-English speaking family requested numerous copies, but once her parents learned the book made reference to them, their tone dramatically changed.

“I was disowned,” Mar said, holding back tears during a public lecture at Lyon College Tuesday, Feb. 12.

More than seven years past before Mar had any significant contact with her family. Her exercise of reconciliation took the form of a knitted vest she made for her father. She mailed the peace offering to their Denver home.

While her friends wished for a fairy tale ending, Mar said she resigned herself to a less than pleasant reaction.

“For me, the story ended at the mailing of the vest,” she said.

Four months later, Mar visited her parents and for the first time realized just how difficult it had been for them to let her go. She said the relationship would never be fully repaired, but she and her family came to a better understanding of each other.

“I think I felt safe living again,” she said.

Mar said she doesn’t regret her work and is currently writing a second full-length memoir.

In addition to the public reading Tuesday, Mar also will host the “Memoir Matters Writing Workshop” from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. March 8 in Lyon’s Alphin Building. The workshop is limited to 15 participants. The event requires pre-registration and fees ranging from $15 to $40.Contact Adele Grilli at 870-307-7246 or e-mail agrilli@lyon.edu for registration information.

Lyon College’s Visiting Fellowship competition began in 2004 as a way to bring creative writers to the campus. Mar is the third writer to win the fellowship. The next writer will is slated to come to Lyon in 2010.

M. Elaine Mar at last week's lecture